Got a toothbrush?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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