Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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