How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
