so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
