last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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