you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
