did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
