you traded sex for a burrito?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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