So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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