I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
