so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
