I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
