I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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