can we get nightvision for the apartment?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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