talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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