I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
