I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
