I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
