do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
