i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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