That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
