I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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