i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im holly from the hills drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
