she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
