I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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