He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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