she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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