Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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