i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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