I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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