Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
