We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
