Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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