Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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