shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
