Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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