Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
