maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
