why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
