Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
