My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
