i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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