Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
