i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
