You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
