i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize