take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
