his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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