a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
