so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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