just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize