I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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