Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
