I CAN MOONWALK!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize