he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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