Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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