I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
