Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
