that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
