Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
