and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
