so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
