There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
