Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
