Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
